In Which the Chemist Goes to the Furniture Store

I am in the market for a new couch.   My husband would say sofa.  I would not.  Our current couch is over 16 years old.  I do not know how old it really is.  We have had almost since we got married.  One of the Historian's friends gave it to us when he upgraded from the furniture that came with his mobile home.    Fast forward almost 16 years, 2 moves, 3 kids, one rabbit, three cats, and one dog and it's a wonder that the couch is still standing.  It still looks surprisingly good considering the abuse it has suffered.  But it ain't comfortable.  The springs are shot.  It has no back support whatsoever.  I can only last about 5 minutes before my hips and back start to ache.   One particular house guest deemed it the most uncomfortable couch he had ever sat upon. 

I have put off this purchase as long as I could.  I tried thrift stores and Craig's list to no avail. Now I am shopping in real furniture stores.  I hate shopping.  I especially hate shopping for expensive items.  So far I have gathered a bit of information from a grand total of two stores. 

• All couches are made for people over 5 feet 6 inches tall. Really.  (I'm 5'2")
• The couch from the sale paper will not be available at the local store.
• When it comes to sales remember "Prices and participation may vary". 
• If you go into a furniture store dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, you will not be waited on.
• If you go into a furniture store professionally dressed, you will still not be waited on, but at least 3 people will ask you for help.
• Couches only come in the same color as the floor model.  At least that's what I heard...not that anybody actually checked that book they have.
• Microfiber generates lots of static electricity.  You should have seen the Crafter's hair.
• It costs $150 to get some guy to spray a can of Scotch Guard on new furniture.
• The only affordable couch is a white couch.
• The only comfortable couch is a white couch.

I will be shopping in a larger town soon.  Maybe I'll have better luck.