Tired

I've been tired for years.  It seems strange to write that, but it's the truth.  I haven't blogged about it before.  I don't know why.  Maybe I didn't want to put my weaknesses "out there" for all to see.

Whenever I mentioned being tired, I was patted on the hand and told "Of course you are tired.  You have a baby or you have a toddler or you are homeschooling or you are have so much going on."  Take your pick.  But it was more than regular tired.  This was weary tired.  This was you get up because you have no choice tired.  I was also having more trouble during that time of the month.

About three and half years ago, I first mentioned my symptoms to a doctor.  I was told that I was getting older.  Hmm, I was 34.  I knew 70 year olds that had more get up and go.  Maybe I should put the kids in school so I could rest.  Here's a prescription for antidepressants.  By the way, your blood work was normal.

I really didn't feel depressed.  I felt tired.  But I tried the antidepressants anyway, and they made me more tired.  I quit taking them.  Then two years ago I saw a different doctor.   He said that I was getting older and suggested yoga and B6 and if that didn't work he would give me a prescription for different antidepressants.

Time marched on.  I did what needed to be done--just barely.  Sometimes I would be in tears because I couldn't do the things I wanted to do because I was just too tired.  I was hating the thought of spending my children's growing up years too tired to enjoy them.   I had become short tempered and sometimes down right mean.  My life was about survival.

I was disillusioned with asking another doctor for help, but my friend suggested that I see her boss.  She had recently started working for a nurse practitioner at an Osteopath's office.  This was a big change for me.  First you filled out 9 pages of questions about medical history, symptoms, sleep habits, and monthly issues.   Then the appointment was to take 40 minutes.  She asked questions and listened and made notes about what I said.  She gave me the usual uncomfortable exam.  Then she said she was ordering some detailed blood work.  Turns out that I'm low on Vitamin D, progesterone, and my iron stores aren't what they should be.

I now have a long list of supplements including fish oil and molasses.  I also have a prescription for progesterone.   I feel guilty for the expense.  Nothing that I am taking will even go towards our insurance deductible.  I am hopeful that this is the beginning of feeling better.